Kabir for vrinda

When we decided to have another baby, we knew the primary motto of having one. Our baby was coming for vrinda.

Having a single child was never on our mind. Anuj, being a single child always wanted a sibling for vrinda, as he didn't want her to be alone. I, on the other hand wanted a sibling for her because I have three sisters and I always knew how great it is to have siblings. I never wanted my first born to live alone but to have fun with someone as she grows up.

As for vrinda, she too wished for a sibling. But only to be elsa herself! She wanted a baby sister. Yes she was sure, it had to be a girl.

Then came along kabir. First she was a bit disappointed to have a baby brother, but when she saw him for the first time in the hospital, she fell in love with him.

From then on, a new journey began. Each day we see vrinda and kabir grow closer. There is immense joy in watching the two of them bond. Each day as she comes back from school, he is the first person she wants to go to. And as kabir looks at this little person, his eyes always light up, as if she is the one he has been searching for all along.

Today they celebrate their first rakhi together. As parents we wish them to be with each other in times high and low, and to support each other in situations good or bad.  No matter how happy the grandparents are, no matter how elated we are as parent to have kabir, the most precious and important result of having him is the happiness that has come into vrinda's life. She is super excited to have him as a brother and promises to always be by his side. And that is exactly why we feel that kabir is first for vrinda and later for everybody else!

Thank you my first born!

As I brought my daughter from her school today as a 5 year old, I couldn’t help but tear up wondering where the last five years have gone. How did my small ray of sunshine grow into such a beautiful, independent, sassy and smart girl? How did she become so independent to walk to her class from the school main gate without looking back, and marching towards her world of learning? How confident she has grown to give a thank you speech in front of 100s of people. How far we have come along as mother-daughter. Though this time is only a fraction of my life, the years have been nothing less than heavenly fulfilling.

Five years, a blur, a fast forward whirlwind. The greatest five years of my life. The most beautiful moments of my life wrapped up in a nutshell.

If I close my eyes I can still go back, feel her precious tiny hands wrapped around my finger, when i first held her, the wispy hair spread across her head, the kitten like eyes twinkling at me without a blink, the smiles she made while sleeping off and the first steps she took, so determined and proud!

I can still hear her first little laughs, the first time she said mumma come here, mumma i love you. It’s all there right in front of me, memories just for me, exclusive to us.

So here i want to write down a formal thank you to the one who gave me the most important title in my life. Thank you for making me a mother, my cupcake, my sunshine. For giving me a reason to laugh and  love harder than I’ve ever known, than i have ever experienced. To letting me feel all that i have felt in the last five years. Allowing me to be blessed with the pure joy that only a child can bring. And you have brought immense. Definitely there have been downs too, but when I look at the fullness of my glass, I end up ignoring all the downs , compared to the ups we have had so far.

So each passing day i pray to god to let you thrive. I hope you keep me, your mother, close to your heart, be kind to everyone you meet, be brave, have fun, love without hesitation and make the most of each day. That you always  appreciate smallest of things, as you do now at five. That you tell me the most mundane things when you come back from school. I hope you always know how much you are loved, how important you are in this world of ours. You will do great things my lovely warm sunshine, I’m blessed to watch your life’s journey unfold.

Thank you to moon and back.

Mumma.

A life event

Having a baby is a life event. An event which takes over all the events of one's life. An event that gives a 360 degree turn to your life, pulls the ground from beneath your feet and nothing remains same as it had ever been.

Having your first born does all the above to you. And having your second born is actually all the above multiplied by 100 or even more. You can never ever be in a position to decide how tough it is going to be down the line. Watching your first born grow up to a certain level and then preparing for a new one to come into your life is so overwhelming that at times the whole feeling leaves you breathless. Its like reaching the pinaccle of happiness and then carving a higher ground for yourself , to reach to, once again. It sure is difficult as hell, but the vision of reaching the new pinaccle just makes it all worthwhile. You can envision all that you experienced with your first born- the first smile, the first giggle, the first finger hold, the first time she said mumma, the first laughter, the first sense of motherhood and alike, and wonder the extent of happiness that you would feel when you will experience it once again.

But planning this new event is a life changing decision- for both you and your partner. For a long time you both have been loving and nurturing a child, being the centre of her world. For a long time, your child has been the centre of your world, has been a part of all that you have and all that you do. And then comes a time when you decide to step up. When you decide to add another chapter to your life. When you decide to have a new baby in your life. And that changes it all.

Now the baby is for you or for your first born is a different topic of discussion altogether. But having a baby after all is what matters , and is the decision that turns your world upside down.  All the contemplation , all the reasonings take a backseat when you arrive at this one decision. There are a million of thoughts that come up - will I be able to love another one as much ? Will I be able to give as much of me and my life to the new one? Will I be able to justify my time with both the kids? Will I be able manage them? How will my equation be with my partner post the second baby? How will we spend time together? How will we work around the two kids?  So on and so forth. But as they say a decisive mind is all it takes to change the world. And once you have decided on your plan for a new baby , there is no turning back.

Once you are in the race, you have to finish it. Having a new child is exactly that relay race of life, once started , it ends at the finishing line. It ends at the line where you have your baby in your hand and you are left wondering , how and where does the new leg of this race start from?! No matter how much you plan , that's some moment of truth, when you have your first born standing beside you , looking over the new born in your hand and you steal a glance with your partner and exchange the craziest of thought - now what ?!

And she talks back!

As i delved into the new realms of motherhood, coming across various baby issues, to toddler matters, this new level of parenting, my girl steping up a stage from toddlerhood has got me real bad!

The times when either she doesn't listen to the instructions given, or ignores them, or reverts with the most unthinkable answers has made me rethink my parenting skills. Becoming a mother, gives you a high and a sense of achievement, giving you a feeling that with time, everything will fall in place. But as I am moving forward, it seems like an illusion. Something that's scary. Something that seems difficult to master. At least for now.

So, lately, this little girl has been on a very different tangent. Behavioral changes, that i see in her are trying to be like me, resonating me or her teachers, showing a great deal of command , to the extent of pushing back and back talking at times. Now I have seen quite a few kids who back talk. But facing this myself was a shocker, a complete disaster and felt like a failure of sorts. 

It drove me CRAZY (!!!), and i wondered what would be the right thing to do - silence her by making clear who is the mom, or by letting it be, thinking its one of the times and might just pass? But on introspection, I realized what if silencing her holds her back? What if by silencing her i end up stopping the real emotions that she has been feeling and venting out through back talking? One thing I knew that talking back was perennial, it had to come at some stage in life, as happen with daughters mostly, but it would come at four and a half, well, I wasn't prepared for that!

I have been trying to develop my on time coping mechanisms. When she is talking back or mouthing off, it  completely pushes my buttons! Staying calm feels incredibly hard, even though i know — in theory — that a calm response is best for everyone involved (as well as my blood pressure). So I stay calm, divert my mind, try to divert her response, or divert the whole issue in hand. But that works in rare cases. As she is growing, her memory and her ability to stick to the matter in hand, or the topic we are discussing has been increasing leaps and bounds. And hence, she is a difficult person to divert from the points of discussion. 

So, I started reading up.  And I read quite a surprising take on this matter. 

The whole summary of the research pointed how the phenomenon of kids pushing back (and not talking back), is actually great for their development? Really, lets know how !

The experts agree, this behavior is actually developmentally healthy for kids. Clinical psychologist Kelly M. Flanagan explains that "the inability to say "No" — the inability to set personal boundaries — is one of the most common, insidious causes of human suffering." 

Psychologist Joseph P. Allen, who headed a study for the University of Virginia, says: "We tell parents to think of those arguments not as a nuisance but as a critical training ground."

At its core, when kids push back at your authority, they're trying to exert some sense of control over their own lives. They're practicing that skill — flexing that muscle, if you will — with you. 

Wouldn’t you rather have your child learn to negotiate with you, first, than feel obliged to follow some other kid's directions the first time a pushy peer says, "Come on, everyone’s doing it?" Or blindly follow the directions of an adult acting inappropriately toward your child? 

Focus on HOW They Push Back

We're ALL desperate for our kids to master the skills they need to stand up to peer pressure or danger when faced with difficult life decisions. 

What if your ability to embrace (coach and help manage) your child’s burgeoning independence is the key to teaching those critical negotiation skills? Skills that enable your kids to say "No" to drugs and delay sexual experimentation until an appropriate age? 

The truth is — it’s NOT whether they push back that really speaks to your authority. They’re kids. They’re going to push back. That’s their job. Your authority lies in HOW they push back, and in HOW you respond to them.

Are you teaching your child to challenge you with respect? Are you setting expectations (and positive examples) for appropriate communication? Do you help them understand and take responsibility for the consequences of their actions?

Your children’s ability to negotiate risky or adverse circumstances improves when you teach them to exercise control with self-awareness, respect, grace and calm.

Who’s In Control, Anyway?

We want to feel good about ourselves as parents, and somehow a 2-year-old saying, "NO!," a 9-year-old saying, "Why do I have to?" or a 14-year-old saying, "You’re not being fair" triggers insecurities about our competence as parents.

We feel like we must maintain a minimum standard of authority as parents. Partially because that was the model WE grew up with (e.g. "I would NEVER have spoken to my parents that way!"), and partially because we want to feel like we have some sense of control over our kids. Life is easier (in the short-term, when they just do what we say). But we don't ultimately have control over our kids. Not really.

Kids come into the world with a path of their own to follow. From a very early age they start teaching us this lesson, veritably screaming at us: "It’s not about you; it’s about me!" 

Sadly, it usually takes us years to grasp the message — if we ever do.

What Your Child Wants You to Know

In different ways at different stages of development, the message is the same: 

They are independent beings with their own thoughts, feelings, and ideas. They are on their own path. And while it's your privilege supervising them on their journey, their journey is still their own, not yours. 

For kids to grow into healthy, independent adults, they need to practice making decisions for themselves, and negotiating for what they want — even if what they want seems absurd or unimportant to you. Because, it’s not about you.

If they can negotiate feeding the dog at 7:00 pm instead of 6:30 pm now, they're better prepared to negotiate with their college professors, with their manager at work, and with a spouse or partner at home in their future. 

Remember ... You're Raising Future Adults

Parenting a child toward independence almost feels like a contradiction in terms. But when we remember that we’re not raising children, we’re raising future adults, it helps a lot.

So the next time you hear yourself say — "How dare you talk to me that way?" ... or, "Because I said so" ... or even, "I gave you a direction and I want you to do what I said" — think about the message you're sending, and ask yourself how you might empower your child, instead.

How can you maintain your authority, without needing to exert control?

For example, a simple response to ugly tones and language, try: "Do you have a different way to say that?" 

Requesting that they finish a chore, but do so offering them a chance to decide when to do it: "I’d like the dishwasher unloaded before dinner and it’s your turn today. What time would you like to do it, and would you like a reminder?"

Remember, this is a process, and it will take time to turn the ship. A few well-placed questions will not magically shift the relationship currently established. But a move in new, supportive, understanding direction is a powerful play towards fostering your child’s independence — which is ultimately what parenting is all about.

Well, the above is quite explanatory. And I will be more than happy if things turn out like that. As a WIP, I have been trying to mend my ways which involves realizing that as she is growing, her need to be listened to and asked from before taking a decision, that involves her, is pertinent. That I cannot decide based on my requirements. And so I am trying to be a little tricky now. When I want her to do both A and B , I ask her what would she like to do, A or B? If, she chooses A, she does A now and B later and vice-versa. And what about C, her choice of work? That happens when both A and B gets done! Lets see how long this works.. until then I am a mother WIP.

the princess and the pea and the preference

As kids our generation has always listened to stories that had some kind of a moral lesson at the end. Our parents and grand parents indulged us in the goodness of morals. it didn't matter if they had princes , princesses, animals, kings or queens, what mattered was the learning out come. And we all liked them too. Yes we did.

On the other hand when I see my little one reading stories today at the age of four, I see a clear preference for a particular character ... And that's "a princess" . She does like to read her three little pigs, or gingerbread man or mythological stories on ganesha/Shiva/Krishna, but her likeness is tilted towards the likes of all the stories that invariable have a princess in them.

Her favourites currently are Cinderella , the sleeping beauty and topping the chart is "the princess and the pea". Personally' I fail to understand the whole concept of this funny story. I remember watching an Indian version of this one on DD decades back. I was neither fascinated by it then, nor now.  The whole concept of a princess feeling a pea underneath twenty mattresses and twenty featherbeds seemed too far-fetched too me.  And it does so till date.

But for vrinda, ending her day, everyday, with this book is a ritual lately. It is her go-to book. It's as if, she won't be able to sleep unless this one is read to her at bedtime. Reading apart, Anuj and I have been experiencing  live experiments based on this book in the house. The other day when anuj sat on a particular seat on the the sofa where vrinda usually sits, he felt a lump underneath. On investigation we found out, there was a plastic toy cabbage that was kept under the seating cusion, by none other than our princess, a make-pretend pea under the mattresses... I have also been finding all things green and round, under the mattress of our bed. And every time I have found them, my belief of its effect and importance in vrinda's life currently has strengthened.

It's as if she is the princess,  sleeping on the mattress who will be able to feel the pea. Oh my Little girl, pea or no pea you are our princess!! For ever and ever!!!

The picture above is her first imaginary drawing based on the scene from this book, where the princess goes up the ladder and sleeps on the bed made of twenty mattresses and twenty featherbeds while the prince and the old queen look at her from below.

The sixth sense!

The sixth sense, that truly lies with kids...

Out of the million things that keep lying around in the house - used, unused, played with, not played with..thrown under the bed, hidden behind the cupboards, things that you eye each day to clean up and clear up.. and eventually sit down to sort and take up the process of segregating, to keep in play zone, to send to attic, to give away and to throw away, the one thing that you dare to throw, on that day, when they are away to school, comes back to haunt you, asking "why on earth did you throw me in the first place?" It echoes in your ears for the rest of the day, cursing you to have thrown it, while you did it for the good. For the good of the house, the space, for your kido (eventually making room for new toys), for that kido who might use the discarded toys. But that's life! Life with a child who is neither old enough to let go of them, or young enough to keep playing with them. This stage of being mid way is really mind boggling at times! Hey , not for her! for ME!

So, where was I, yes, as you take up the task of the month, your child will come back from the school and ask for that exact same toy that you threw away some time back and bring the world down while asking for it a million times. But you are stuck in your own soup... And its burnt now. So you have no choice  but to bring back the stuff that has been put in the attic, unpack the stuff that has been packed to give away, to stop the whining and expect them not to bring the heaven down. Lol, as if...

So what should you do now? You put some cotton in your ears, because the song for that thrown away toy is still playing... Make some tea,  regret your decision of taking up the task and watch your hard work of a few hours turn into a mess. Congratulations your kid has won yet another battle. Now its time for you to sit back with your tea and whine!

Happiness is..

Looking at old photographs and wondering how time flies. And finding myself smiling at all the time well spent with beautiful friends,  and a loving family. Finding my little one still remembering incidents that happened two years back where we lived earlier and talking about her old friends with the same fondness that she has for news ones today and wondering on the magic of her memory and the warmth in her heart. But most importantly getting reminded to be like a child when it comes to 'friend'  matters.

25.08.2016  8:00pm mumbai

Going to School early morning in an auto rickshaw with lots of giggles and cool breeze. Spending beautiful time with your child, talking and just watching out. And then while eating her own banana, she suddenly asks the driver, "Uncle did you eat your breakfast?". Happiness is watching that smile on the driver's face , and knowing it was brought about by your child! It is that moment when you realize that your kid is turning out to be a really good person.

24.08.2016 mumbai  10:45am

Pretending to be the mermaid mumma who goes deep into the sea to find seashells for her baby mermaid. It is to just sit on the beach with baby mermaid and daddy mermaid and do absolutely nothing. To soak in the breeze and the surfs. To witness small hands building sand castles with undisturbed attention. To see those seashells that you have collected like a child on the beach, getting placed on the sand castles by your child! Absolute, pure happiness!

 11.08.2016 goa 11am

Getting into bed at 1am, beside your three and a half year old, and she turns around in her sleep and says "I love you. A hmm..  I can't live without you. I can't live without papa also." she then turns back and returns to her sleep, leaving me all in awe of what just happened!!  I remembered that I have been saying these lines to her lately, which she returned to me tonight in the most surprising manner ever. I had never imagined they would come back to me in this way. She gave a beautiful good night kiss on my heart!

22.08.2016  mumbai  01:30am

The Oxymoron called 'Motherhood'!

Motherhood, the title, the stage in a woman's life, the person that a woman can be, the sea of feelings that it exhibits, the whirlpool of ups and downs that it becomes, has all abilities to show us the best of times and the worst of times. These wonderful little people, the love of our lives, the lifelines that we create have a way of showing us who we truly are – the goodness in us, how bad we can be and how ugly things can get at times. While caring for them, as we nurture them to become independent individuals we find out how much love we’re capable of, but we discover some less pleasant things about ourselves as well. Its a Bitter Sweet space in our lives. 

My little one is no less. She brings out the worst in me quite regularly; frustration, anger, and even invoking the shouts from me when extreme levels reach. That's when I am left with the Only Choice of shouting out loud so that my LCD doesn't fall on the floor from the wall..Yes this is exactly what I am talking about! Housekeeping skills have slid downhill. There is no time for self grooming. Cooking is only kid-friendly. There are times when my husband complains of how my cooking is only focused around her choices now. Constantly trying to figure out ways to settle my small venture that i have delved into, I am Clearly Confused as to how to handle it all. My every weakness is exposed, pushed, stretched to the highest limits. There it is, right there, it sits tall on the table right beside her lunch plate, when the clock ticks an hour and it is still not finished. The worst side of me knocks from inside, as i take a breath to try some more tactics to feed her and experience more Pain for the Pleasure of seeing her well fed. 

However, if we look at the flip side of this magical phenomenon called motherhood, the scenario changes completely. Maturity happens through many areas in life, and I know I wouldn’t have the depth I have now if it wasn’t for her. When I look back at my former self, I had poise and control — things that made me look good from the outside. Yet she has an incredible way of exposing the dark truth within me and is instrumental in breaking down walls in my life. Today, only with three and a half years of parenting, I feel like a mess in so many areas. That’s what one might see from the outside, it’s true. But I know that I’m a Beautiful Mess.

I have been thinking from so many days. Every other day I would have a thought worth writing about, but somehow could not get down to it. The Stress levels have been pretty high lately. I have been experiencing the extremes of motherhood, just like a see-saw. Before we have kids, we know that motherhood will change us. We just don’t know how or how much. There are innumerable moments when I completely go into an indecisive zone. That zone comes to light when I think of all the good that has come to me since the time she has come into our lives. All the happy moments, all the happy feelings that are beyond anything else in this world, that emanate from her and strike my heart right at the center. Despite all of the negative attributes, I recognize that she has brought out so much more goodness in me. i am less judgmental,  I am more forgiving, I am letting go more often, I am opening up to newer things, and much more. I can truly say, without hesitation, that she is the best thing that has happened to me. Although she brings out the worst in me, with abundant measures and more, she also bring out the BEST in me. Absolute best.

As moms, we tend to be so hard on ourselves. We focus on all of our negative attributes. We wish we had more patience, we wish our houses were tidier, more beautiful – we wish for perfection. But she helps remind me that even though I am not perfect, chances are, I am better than I used to be. Maybe I am more forgetful than I was before she was born, but chances are, yes, I am also happier and braver.

When I look through the ways motherhood has changed me, I realize that the positive changes far outweigh the negative changes that she has brought about. As I go about my work , and hear her blabber her stories, sing her rhymes, her songs, talk to imaginary characters as if they are real, make noises, and just never stop, it gives me so much pleasure to know that the Larger Half of my life I have certainly been good. That i was bestowed with her, my angel baby, who bring out all the colors in me, who make me see things that I myself was incapable of, the depth of my love, the extent of my labour, the intensity of my anger and more..each day reassures me that I am good and there is a lot of goodness in me!

Grass is always greener where you water it !

Grass is always greener where you water it. I have been held up in quite a bit of stuff lately. Vrinda’s school, her learning troubles, the ever increasing unimaginable tantrums, my own work that I have been trying to set up, my desperate need of achieving a minimum of 6 hour sleep cycles, and managing the daily unending chores. But nothing seem to be falling in place. At times I feel like I am a superhero who can manage being at two places at the same time, at others I find myself sitting on the kitchen floor with a cup of tea, wondering how to put together this jigsaw puzzle.  

Having said that, for a mother all things fall in place as long as her child is in place. All is crystal clear as long as the way you want to crave for your child is getting carved. But the moment your brush trembles from your hand, the whole canvas starts to shake. Each day I try harder to put all my efforts in sorting out things that matter most, but it all falls flat eventually. 

The maze of my life keeps changing its shape each day, no matter how much efforts are put in, in order to stay put.

ORGANIZE: Some days I try to concentrate on keeping the house clean and organized and that is all I find myself doing. The day starts, Vrinda goes to school, I organize, I cook, she is back, we eat, she sleeps, I organize some more, she wakes up, I am engaged again, so this time we co-organize, then it's time for dinner, she sleeps and I finish my last battle of organizing, that puts an end to my day. 14 hours of my day at home down the drain just organizing the world around me. 

PRIORITIZE WORK: On other days my eyes open with the agenda of fueling my start up. I am all geared up to take up the world, to face the day, in all its colors and twists. I also manage to win a few battles here and there, but as I let my work take the center stage and push back the other life's stuff, the surface below my feet starts to tremble. I think of Vrinda and the activities that I need to do with her in order to improve her alphabet/number recognition. I keep hearing in the background the feedback I have got from her teachers at school and anxiety grips me even further. I think of the cooking that needs to get finished and the mess the house has been in while I have been at my work.

MOVE OUT: Few nights I chalk out my outdoor plans way in advance– visit to the banks or to markets. I micromanage my time in conjunction with Vrinda’s home coming from school – try to foresee how events would/should turn out and be prepared for the worst. Mostly on such pre-planned days Vrinda come home with a cold from school, and all goes in vain. I feed her and put her to sleep and get back to my regular work schedule.

CHILD FIRST: Then there are days when I concentrate only on Vrinda. We do fun activities, painting, coloring, crafting, playful studies and by the end of the day we are both highly exhausted. These are the days, when my house looks like it has been put in a box that has been shaken up by an angry toddler and then tossed and thrown on the floor. Forget about the cooking. I open the door for Anuj at night with half the face of a victorious mother who has taught her child well and the other half who has lost all other battles.

REALIZATIONS: After my many experiments of trying to handle one thing at a time, I am back to square one that as a full time mother, trying to juggle home, child, and a start-up, I must stick to the good old golden rule of balancing it all. Excess of anything is inappropriate at all times. So is concentrating on one thing. The best crop comes out when watered well across the field. Or else Grass will be greener only where it is watered.

3 years of Happiness!

My wishes for your years Ahead!

It’s so cliché to say, but time really does fly. And for us it has flown really really fast. I can still clearly remember sitting down at my computer to type my blog post for your second birthday, exactly around the some wee hours of the dawn, and here I am doing it again for your third. Yes I am quite late in writing this one, as I have been all caught up with my new venture. But each day after your birthday I’ve been pondering about writing, with a lot of thoughts hanging around me time and again, some keenly penned down, but most of them forgotten. I really thought as to what I want to say to you for this year—what wisdom I want to impart, what dreams I have for your year ahead, what expectations do I keep, what plans I have chalked out. So when I started writing this one, I wondered where to start? A small note on my phone came to rescue, that emphasized upon 'your kindness' as a child.

Ultimately I’ve concluded that what I wish for you now, as you have turned 3 years old, is that you "HOLD ON & KEEP MOVING IN THE SAME DIRECTION".

 >>>Hold on to your kindness, for with time it tends to fade away.<<<

My little girl, you are such a sweet child. And not just when you cuddle with Anuj or me  or whisper, “This is myyyy mumma, this is myyyy papa, I loooove my mumma, I loooove my papa” unprompted; your kind and gentle spirit extends to your friends too. Though I have been teaching you to be kind to elders, sweet to peers and gentle to young ones, the way you talk to them at times, just melts my heart away. Some time you sweetly ask one friend, “Would you like to play hide-and-seek with me?” and at other you ask, “Can I sit next to you, please?” Just two days back when I was taking you to your school, and the sun shone on your tender face, you told me "Mumma can you please set the sun aside?" Oh I was so mesmerized by that thought. This is more than just good manners (though I sincerely hope you hold on to those too). It is your deep and genuine kindness and innocence at play.

The sad news is this: Without a doubt, with time, as you make wider footprints in this world, the  people around you will try to steel away this kindness and innocence. They would want you to become a little mean day by day, so you can survive the harsh realities of life, so you can take the world head on! But as your mother, I want you to "Hold on to your kindness, and trust me you would be so much better."

  

>>>Hold on to your excitement, because too many people grow up to be bored,lost and dull <<<

This world is a really exciting place, and right now 'you' appreciate that more than anyone else I know. I see it in the way you flap your arms with elation when we walk by a dog  (“Look, Mumma, it’s a Dog!”) or when you squeal with joy at adding one more block to the skyscraper of a tower you’re building or a worksheet you are doing. The way the sight of a pit excites you and how you start shouting 'dig dig dig', or the thought of a monkey somewhere on a tree makes you start jumping like one, or how the three little pigs built their houses, or how the gingerbread man got eaten away by the sly fox are too good to be true for us adults.

I see it in the way you start running laps around the house—your excitement energizing your entire body—when you smell your favorite soup being made in the kitchen or when I say you can have a piece of cake after your finish your food  or that we are going to visit one of your friend's place. 

These sorts of things are meant to excite us too, yet the excitement of childhood rarely lasts. The monotonous responsibilities of adulthood can quickly make life seem boring: Go out and do your work, clean your house, cook, do your laundry, repeat day after day.

But please my child hold on to your excitement, and life will never be dull and neither will you. 

>>>Hold on to your inquisitiveness, for it will always serve you well and keep you abreast with life.<<<

 

Yes I admit, a lot of times its very annoying when you ask “WHY?” over and over again.  But when I stop and actually try to answer your questions and explain things to you, you listen with every ounce of your attention. I see the wheels turning as you process every word I say, be it about why the sky is blue or why there aren’t real dinosaurs in our garden today.You are so eager for knowledge right now. You are a sponge absorbing every drop of new information. 

Hold on to that thirst for learning, my girl! It will help you in school, yes, but also far beyond it. People who long for understanding are usually the ones who get it; people who are always open to new ideas are usually the people who have them. I want you to be one of those people. Be inquisitive, listen, learn, absorb, apply, excel!

>>>Hold on to your incredible ability to move swiftly with each of life’s transitions, because that’s a skill many of us are still seeking!<<<

 

This was quite a year for you. 

There was your first day of Preschool.

There was your first day of School in Nursery. 

There was the start of fun organized activities, like art and craft sessions, festivals at school, Annual Day, Sports Day, Carnivals and so on and so forth. You enjoyed all of them to the fullest and merged in swiftly.

You have not merely survived these changes; you have excelled in them. And we have marveled at you all this time. Anuj and I have been so so happy this past one year, seeing your talk endlessly, walk endless, and have an infinite energy reserve that you keep utilizing now and then, while leaving us in wonder of your amazing actions.

 

Hold on to your ability to do that, Vrinda, because life is famous for throwing us curve balls, and the best thing you can do is keep taking them in stride. 

 >>>Hold on to the infinite pool of your love, for this is the love that diminishes with time in almost all adults<<<

Last couple of months, Anuj and I have a seen a sudden spurt of your love for us. At odd moments, you come running to us and give kisses, blowing them at us from far away, you hug us all the time, and we have just been in awe of you you and been diving in the sea of your love. 

 

We really hope that this love remains, that it only grows with time, and never see a downward trend! My girl, I can't even imagine not being so loved by you ever in my life! So hold this love for us in your heart!

 

>>>Hold on to your faith in me, because I’ll always try to be better for you.<<<

 

I already feel that I am way too short of a perfect mother. What is a perfect mother by the way. Someone who would always be by your side, and not let you eat junk food at all, and never let you play endlessly, and always making you sleep on time and holds onto the concept of limited TV viewing? Because I am not doing any of that! I am being by your side, enough to let you feel my presence but let go of you so you learn to be on your own. I am giving you enough nutritious food, but spoiling you with a pack of noodles and chocolates at regular intervals. If you will not eat all this now, then when will you?! I am letting you play for N number of hours, because I know you have the liberty to engage in endless games only right now! I do let you sleep late, because I am desperate to get some work done so I let you watch way too many episodes of Peppa Pig or Holly and Ben's a little Kingdom while I type away on the computer or finish my chores.

I’m nowhere close to the perfect mom, but from time to time I do feel that I am the perfect mom for you! And I really hope, you too believe this as you grow up and understand the meaning of all this!

I am always trying to be better for you. I am always working to challenge my own weaknesses—my general lack of patience, my Type-A desire to have everything planned out, my tendency to give in to your incessant requests for chocolates, and on and on and on—in the hopes that your life will be better for it. 

Hold on to my hand - my love, because neither one of us is ready to let go just yet. 

 

When I look at this past one year I am shocked at how much you’ve developed in terms of language, understanding, your own sense of being an individual and how much more independent you are now. My heart both soars and aches to realize how much more independent you’ll grow over the next 12 months. What will be the milestones, where I will have to let go and where I would be adamant never to let go! As you navigate through these few important school years, I hope you’ll keep reaching for my hand, and I’ll keep holding on tight to it.

Your 3rd birthday brought thrice the happiness of what we felt when you came into our arms three years ago. Vrinda! You are so very very loved! And we are so so very lucky to have you!