Grass is always greener where you water it. I
have been held up in quite a bit of stuff lately. Vrinda’s school, her learning
troubles, the ever increasing unimaginable tantrums, my own work that I have
been trying to set up, my desperate need of achieving a minimum of 6 hour sleep
cycles, and managing the daily unending chores. But nothing seem to be falling
in place. At times I feel like I am a superhero who can manage being at two places
at the same time, at others I find myself sitting on the kitchen floor with a
cup of tea, wondering how to put together this jigsaw puzzle.
Having said that, for a mother all things fall in place as long as her child is in place. All is crystal clear as long as the way you want to crave for your child is getting
carved. But the moment your brush trembles from your hand, the whole canvas
starts to shake. Each day I try harder to put all my efforts in sorting out
things that matter most, but it all falls flat eventually.
The maze of my life keeps changing its shape each day, no matter how much efforts are put in, in order to stay put.
ORGANIZE: Some days I try to concentrate on keeping the house
clean and organized and that is all I find myself doing. The day starts, Vrinda
goes to school, I organize, I cook, she is back, we eat, she sleeps, I organize
some more, she wakes up, I am engaged again, so this time we co-organize, then it's
time for dinner, she sleeps and I finish my last battle of organizing, that
puts an end to my day. 14 hours of my day at home down the drain just organizing the world around me.
PRIORITIZE WORK: On other days my eyes open with
the agenda of fueling my start up. I am all geared up to take up the world, to
face the day, in all its colors and twists. I also manage to win a few battles
here and there, but as I let my work take the center stage and push back the
other life's stuff, the surface below my feet starts to tremble. I think of Vrinda and the activities
that I need to do with her in order to improve her alphabet/number recognition.
I keep hearing in the background the feedback I have got from her teachers at school and anxiety grips me even further. I think of the cooking that needs to get finished and the mess the house has been
in while I have been at my work.
MOVE OUT: Few nights I chalk out my outdoor plans
way in advance– visit to the banks or to markets. I micromanage my time in
conjunction with Vrinda’s home coming from school – try to foresee how events would/should
turn out and be prepared for the worst. Mostly on such pre-planned days Vrinda come home with a cold
from school, and all goes in vain. I feed her and put her to sleep and get back
to my regular work schedule.
CHILD FIRST: Then there are days when I concentrate
only on Vrinda. We do fun activities, painting, coloring, crafting, playful
studies and by the end of the day we are both highly exhausted. These are the
days, when my house looks like it has been put in a box that has been shaken up
by an angry toddler and then tossed and thrown on the floor. Forget about the cooking. I open the door for Anuj at night with half the face of a victorious mother who has taught her child well and the other half who has lost all other battles.
REALIZATIONS: After my many experiments of trying
to handle one thing at a time, I am back to square one that as a full time
mother, trying to juggle home, child, and a start-up, I must stick to the good
old golden rule of balancing it all. Excess of anything is inappropriate at all
times. So is concentrating on one thing. The best crop comes out when watered
well across the field. Or else Grass will be greener only where it is watered.
