 |
| Mother's Day 2014 |
I miss being a kid. My only responsibilities were running around, create a mess, and playing. And someone else was IN CHARGE. As a mother of a toddler, and that too quite an energetic one, the charges are spilling out of my plate. Today as I find myself in charge of everything for my adorable-cute-little-mostly-angelic-but-at-times-devilish-toddler, the hate for being in charge is bound to set in.
There was a great period, the period of my golden college years, when I was in charge of my own hair, my well being, my food and most importantly my own freedom. There was an even better time of my childhood when my mother or sisters were in charge of all the above activities. Additionally, they entertained me too. And last two and a half years have made up for all that luxury. Today I realize it is a very easy talk to become a parent, but equally difficult to take charge for the same. Being in charge is how a mother shows her love and sacrifice for the child. You sacrifice your sleep so you can be in charge of your child's studies. You sacrifice your entertainment, so you can take charge of the fun for them. You sacrifice reading your own stuff, so you can read them bedtime tales. The list is never ending. Because the love is never-ending. My mother did this, so I could become a better person. I am doing this, so Vrinda can have a better life.
Today she is carefree. There are no worries. Life is great. All is easy. There's everything on her plate that she can ask for. Mumma is responsible when she needs to have a bath - have a bath or not. Mumma will take care of her hair. Mumma will decide on her clothes and shoes. Mumma is the food incarge. Has she eaten her eggs? Her fruits? Her vegetables? Her milk? Her protiens? Mumma is in charge of her sleep - has she had a 12 hour sleep or not? so on and so forth. She demands, I submit. She needs, I give it. There is a sense of pride in this dependence that your child shows towards you. As much as you are tired, you tend to be equally happy. That you child is with you, for you. That she needs you so much. Such moments are truly conflicting, giving you highs and lows at the same time.
What I am truly dreading is the time when she will start being in charge herself. As a boss I always knew where does my work end and where starts that of my subordinates'. But as a mother I fail to understand, where do you draw the line? How does this all work? When do I stop being in charge and she becomes her own boss. The time when she will start saying "mumma I will do my own hair!" How will I feel? The day when she starts sleeping on her own and would not need me to sing to her, when she would want just her books and not me around. Will I crash down with that sudden detachment from my responsibilities which she had bestowed on me so far? Will I hate to be told "Mumma I can do it by myself!" Will I cry quietly for letting go of my charges? Or will I be happy about the "not-being-in-charge" phase, as I am today, just thinking about it?
Very messy and tricky indeed. My heart melts as such thoughts cross my mind every now and then. As she grows and becomes more socially active, her independence will gradually take over my responsibilities. I guess only time will tell. For now I AM IN CHARGE !! Its milk time ! :-)
