Kabir for vrinda

When we decided to have another baby, we knew the primary motto of having one. Our baby was coming for vrinda.

Having a single child was never on our mind. Anuj, being a single child always wanted a sibling for vrinda, as he didn't want her to be alone. I, on the other hand wanted a sibling for her because I have three sisters and I always knew how great it is to have siblings. I never wanted my first born to live alone but to have fun with someone as she grows up.

As for vrinda, she too wished for a sibling. But only to be elsa herself! She wanted a baby sister. Yes she was sure, it had to be a girl.

Then came along kabir. First she was a bit disappointed to have a baby brother, but when she saw him for the first time in the hospital, she fell in love with him.

From then on, a new journey began. Each day we see vrinda and kabir grow closer. There is immense joy in watching the two of them bond. Each day as she comes back from school, he is the first person she wants to go to. And as kabir looks at this little person, his eyes always light up, as if she is the one he has been searching for all along.

Today they celebrate their first rakhi together. As parents we wish them to be with each other in times high and low, and to support each other in situations good or bad.  No matter how happy the grandparents are, no matter how elated we are as parent to have kabir, the most precious and important result of having him is the happiness that has come into vrinda's life. She is super excited to have him as a brother and promises to always be by his side. And that is exactly why we feel that kabir is first for vrinda and later for everybody else!

Thank you my first born!

As I brought my daughter from her school today as a 5 year old, I couldn’t help but tear up wondering where the last five years have gone. How did my small ray of sunshine grow into such a beautiful, independent, sassy and smart girl? How did she become so independent to walk to her class from the school main gate without looking back, and marching towards her world of learning? How confident she has grown to give a thank you speech in front of 100s of people. How far we have come along as mother-daughter. Though this time is only a fraction of my life, the years have been nothing less than heavenly fulfilling.

Five years, a blur, a fast forward whirlwind. The greatest five years of my life. The most beautiful moments of my life wrapped up in a nutshell.

If I close my eyes I can still go back, feel her precious tiny hands wrapped around my finger, when i first held her, the wispy hair spread across her head, the kitten like eyes twinkling at me without a blink, the smiles she made while sleeping off and the first steps she took, so determined and proud!

I can still hear her first little laughs, the first time she said mumma come here, mumma i love you. It’s all there right in front of me, memories just for me, exclusive to us.

So here i want to write down a formal thank you to the one who gave me the most important title in my life. Thank you for making me a mother, my cupcake, my sunshine. For giving me a reason to laugh and  love harder than I’ve ever known, than i have ever experienced. To letting me feel all that i have felt in the last five years. Allowing me to be blessed with the pure joy that only a child can bring. And you have brought immense. Definitely there have been downs too, but when I look at the fullness of my glass, I end up ignoring all the downs , compared to the ups we have had so far.

So each passing day i pray to god to let you thrive. I hope you keep me, your mother, close to your heart, be kind to everyone you meet, be brave, have fun, love without hesitation and make the most of each day. That you always  appreciate smallest of things, as you do now at five. That you tell me the most mundane things when you come back from school. I hope you always know how much you are loved, how important you are in this world of ours. You will do great things my lovely warm sunshine, I’m blessed to watch your life’s journey unfold.

Thank you to moon and back.

Mumma.

A life event

Having a baby is a life event. An event which takes over all the events of one's life. An event that gives a 360 degree turn to your life, pulls the ground from beneath your feet and nothing remains same as it had ever been.

Having your first born does all the above to you. And having your second born is actually all the above multiplied by 100 or even more. You can never ever be in a position to decide how tough it is going to be down the line. Watching your first born grow up to a certain level and then preparing for a new one to come into your life is so overwhelming that at times the whole feeling leaves you breathless. Its like reaching the pinaccle of happiness and then carving a higher ground for yourself , to reach to, once again. It sure is difficult as hell, but the vision of reaching the new pinaccle just makes it all worthwhile. You can envision all that you experienced with your first born- the first smile, the first giggle, the first finger hold, the first time she said mumma, the first laughter, the first sense of motherhood and alike, and wonder the extent of happiness that you would feel when you will experience it once again.

But planning this new event is a life changing decision- for both you and your partner. For a long time you both have been loving and nurturing a child, being the centre of her world. For a long time, your child has been the centre of your world, has been a part of all that you have and all that you do. And then comes a time when you decide to step up. When you decide to add another chapter to your life. When you decide to have a new baby in your life. And that changes it all.

Now the baby is for you or for your first born is a different topic of discussion altogether. But having a baby after all is what matters , and is the decision that turns your world upside down.  All the contemplation , all the reasonings take a backseat when you arrive at this one decision. There are a million of thoughts that come up - will I be able to love another one as much ? Will I be able to give as much of me and my life to the new one? Will I be able to justify my time with both the kids? Will I be able manage them? How will my equation be with my partner post the second baby? How will we spend time together? How will we work around the two kids?  So on and so forth. But as they say a decisive mind is all it takes to change the world. And once you have decided on your plan for a new baby , there is no turning back.

Once you are in the race, you have to finish it. Having a new child is exactly that relay race of life, once started , it ends at the finishing line. It ends at the line where you have your baby in your hand and you are left wondering , how and where does the new leg of this race start from?! No matter how much you plan , that's some moment of truth, when you have your first born standing beside you , looking over the new born in your hand and you steal a glance with your partner and exchange the craziest of thought - now what ?!