3 years of Happiness!

My wishes for your years Ahead!

It’s so cliché to say, but time really does fly. And for us it has flown really really fast. I can still clearly remember sitting down at my computer to type my blog post for your second birthday, exactly around the some wee hours of the dawn, and here I am doing it again for your third. Yes I am quite late in writing this one, as I have been all caught up with my new venture. But each day after your birthday I’ve been pondering about writing, with a lot of thoughts hanging around me time and again, some keenly penned down, but most of them forgotten. I really thought as to what I want to say to you for this year—what wisdom I want to impart, what dreams I have for your year ahead, what expectations do I keep, what plans I have chalked out. So when I started writing this one, I wondered where to start? A small note on my phone came to rescue, that emphasized upon 'your kindness' as a child.

Ultimately I’ve concluded that what I wish for you now, as you have turned 3 years old, is that you "HOLD ON & KEEP MOVING IN THE SAME DIRECTION".

 >>>Hold on to your kindness, for with time it tends to fade away.<<<

My little girl, you are such a sweet child. And not just when you cuddle with Anuj or me  or whisper, “This is myyyy mumma, this is myyyy papa, I loooove my mumma, I loooove my papa” unprompted; your kind and gentle spirit extends to your friends too. Though I have been teaching you to be kind to elders, sweet to peers and gentle to young ones, the way you talk to them at times, just melts my heart away. Some time you sweetly ask one friend, “Would you like to play hide-and-seek with me?” and at other you ask, “Can I sit next to you, please?” Just two days back when I was taking you to your school, and the sun shone on your tender face, you told me "Mumma can you please set the sun aside?" Oh I was so mesmerized by that thought. This is more than just good manners (though I sincerely hope you hold on to those too). It is your deep and genuine kindness and innocence at play.

The sad news is this: Without a doubt, with time, as you make wider footprints in this world, the  people around you will try to steel away this kindness and innocence. They would want you to become a little mean day by day, so you can survive the harsh realities of life, so you can take the world head on! But as your mother, I want you to "Hold on to your kindness, and trust me you would be so much better."

  

>>>Hold on to your excitement, because too many people grow up to be bored,lost and dull <<<

This world is a really exciting place, and right now 'you' appreciate that more than anyone else I know. I see it in the way you flap your arms with elation when we walk by a dog  (“Look, Mumma, it’s a Dog!”) or when you squeal with joy at adding one more block to the skyscraper of a tower you’re building or a worksheet you are doing. The way the sight of a pit excites you and how you start shouting 'dig dig dig', or the thought of a monkey somewhere on a tree makes you start jumping like one, or how the three little pigs built their houses, or how the gingerbread man got eaten away by the sly fox are too good to be true for us adults.

I see it in the way you start running laps around the house—your excitement energizing your entire body—when you smell your favorite soup being made in the kitchen or when I say you can have a piece of cake after your finish your food  or that we are going to visit one of your friend's place. 

These sorts of things are meant to excite us too, yet the excitement of childhood rarely lasts. The monotonous responsibilities of adulthood can quickly make life seem boring: Go out and do your work, clean your house, cook, do your laundry, repeat day after day.

But please my child hold on to your excitement, and life will never be dull and neither will you. 

>>>Hold on to your inquisitiveness, for it will always serve you well and keep you abreast with life.<<<

 

Yes I admit, a lot of times its very annoying when you ask “WHY?” over and over again.  But when I stop and actually try to answer your questions and explain things to you, you listen with every ounce of your attention. I see the wheels turning as you process every word I say, be it about why the sky is blue or why there aren’t real dinosaurs in our garden today.You are so eager for knowledge right now. You are a sponge absorbing every drop of new information. 

Hold on to that thirst for learning, my girl! It will help you in school, yes, but also far beyond it. People who long for understanding are usually the ones who get it; people who are always open to new ideas are usually the people who have them. I want you to be one of those people. Be inquisitive, listen, learn, absorb, apply, excel!

>>>Hold on to your incredible ability to move swiftly with each of life’s transitions, because that’s a skill many of us are still seeking!<<<

 

This was quite a year for you. 

There was your first day of Preschool.

There was your first day of School in Nursery. 

There was the start of fun organized activities, like art and craft sessions, festivals at school, Annual Day, Sports Day, Carnivals and so on and so forth. You enjoyed all of them to the fullest and merged in swiftly.

You have not merely survived these changes; you have excelled in them. And we have marveled at you all this time. Anuj and I have been so so happy this past one year, seeing your talk endlessly, walk endless, and have an infinite energy reserve that you keep utilizing now and then, while leaving us in wonder of your amazing actions.

 

Hold on to your ability to do that, Vrinda, because life is famous for throwing us curve balls, and the best thing you can do is keep taking them in stride. 

 >>>Hold on to the infinite pool of your love, for this is the love that diminishes with time in almost all adults<<<

Last couple of months, Anuj and I have a seen a sudden spurt of your love for us. At odd moments, you come running to us and give kisses, blowing them at us from far away, you hug us all the time, and we have just been in awe of you you and been diving in the sea of your love. 

 

We really hope that this love remains, that it only grows with time, and never see a downward trend! My girl, I can't even imagine not being so loved by you ever in my life! So hold this love for us in your heart!

 

>>>Hold on to your faith in me, because I’ll always try to be better for you.<<<

 

I already feel that I am way too short of a perfect mother. What is a perfect mother by the way. Someone who would always be by your side, and not let you eat junk food at all, and never let you play endlessly, and always making you sleep on time and holds onto the concept of limited TV viewing? Because I am not doing any of that! I am being by your side, enough to let you feel my presence but let go of you so you learn to be on your own. I am giving you enough nutritious food, but spoiling you with a pack of noodles and chocolates at regular intervals. If you will not eat all this now, then when will you?! I am letting you play for N number of hours, because I know you have the liberty to engage in endless games only right now! I do let you sleep late, because I am desperate to get some work done so I let you watch way too many episodes of Peppa Pig or Holly and Ben's a little Kingdom while I type away on the computer or finish my chores.

I’m nowhere close to the perfect mom, but from time to time I do feel that I am the perfect mom for you! And I really hope, you too believe this as you grow up and understand the meaning of all this!

I am always trying to be better for you. I am always working to challenge my own weaknesses—my general lack of patience, my Type-A desire to have everything planned out, my tendency to give in to your incessant requests for chocolates, and on and on and on—in the hopes that your life will be better for it. 

Hold on to my hand - my love, because neither one of us is ready to let go just yet. 

 

When I look at this past one year I am shocked at how much you’ve developed in terms of language, understanding, your own sense of being an individual and how much more independent you are now. My heart both soars and aches to realize how much more independent you’ll grow over the next 12 months. What will be the milestones, where I will have to let go and where I would be adamant never to let go! As you navigate through these few important school years, I hope you’ll keep reaching for my hand, and I’ll keep holding on tight to it.

Your 3rd birthday brought thrice the happiness of what we felt when you came into our arms three years ago. Vrinda! You are so very very loved! And we are so so very lucky to have you!

Teething battles - The rise and rise of the ‘Molars’

I thought I was done with teething.  Sadly, no. Somewhere between your child’s first and third birthdays, eight molars break through. And if a sharp little incisor made your baby miserable, just think what a big square molar can do!

After the front and bottom teeth(the incisors) have come through in the first year, most toddlers get their teeth in this order:

• first molars between 12 months and 16 months
• canines (the pointed teeth on each side at the front) between 16 months and 20 months
• second molars between 20 months to two and a half years
• the third and last set of molars are wise enough to pop as and when they like.

When I recently visited Vrinda’s pediatrician, he confirmed a full form molar eruption in her tiny miny mouth. He laughed and said "she is going to be three on Nov 1^st which means she is a little late". Yes late as per the above pattern. I thought 'Pass'.

Some children do sail through teething with very little trouble. For others, it’s a few days of drooling, irritability and perhaps picky eating. At the other end are the children who really suffer. They may cry on and off through the day because of the pain, go on a hunger strike and have a broken, miserable sleep at night. Its only two days back that I found out that my little girl is sitting on this end.

If your child will let you touch her mouth, or atleast see peep inside, you may be able to confirm that the molars are about to break through by feeling the swollen bumps in her gum/seeing them, but what if you do see the swollen gums now and then, and when the time for their eruption comes, you completely forget about them? Yes toddlers do that to you at times. No matter how much track you keep of their milestones, a few important things are missed out eventually.

The same was for me, I never saw it coming. But with the sudden cough, cold and fever session; along with a complete loss for appetite, along with volcanic eruptions in her behavior, along with heavy duty tantrums, and a mouthful of blood on the third day of this whole thing, I knew something was gravely wrong.

As she woke up from her sleep and started fiddling with her mouth, asking me what’s in it, I looked closely, only to find the humongous eruptions of 3 mid molars in her mouth, one of which was bleeding profusely that morning. I got her to rinse her mouth and all the symptoms of her behavior from past couple of days, flashed back in front of my eyes.

At one point I hated myself, for not knowing it before. For not understanding. For not being there for her when all this was happening. Yes for her, this is “all that” similar to what happens in the world of grownups. It’s a big and difficult phase for her, for any soon to be three year old.

While it's helpful and so very important to know when your toddler is likely to have a tooth come through, the order and timing of how they’ll appear isn't an exact science. For most of us, we might not even remember that others are soon going to follow suit, once the incisors and canines are out. We are lost in a new world of toddler tantrums that we completely forget that history is going to repeat itself soon, that our child is going to go through that excruciating pain once again, only 100 times stronger.

On the hindsight, the good news is that teething doesn't last forever. One day she will have a shiny full set of teeth to be proud of, and forget all about her teething pains. But for now, there is a lot of pain, for both her and me.

I have been reading a lot on teething lately. One trustworthy site wrote that during teething you could offer your toddler something cold to chew on, such as:

• A raw carrot, cucumber or celery stick straight from the fridge .
• A cold, wet flannel.
• A chilled teething ring.

Cold, cold, cold. What if my child is suffering from a cold at the time teething knocks our door? All the above advice goes down the drain. Cold requires hot beverages to be administered. Whereas teething demands cold stuff. Now this is what I call an “I-don’t-know-what-to-do-situation”. And if this situation is coupled with fever, caused by a bacterial infection, that happens due to too much saliva being produced in mouth during the process of teething, which attract hands, dirty hands (no matter how many times you get them washed), and hence infections, you are in a soup. On top of the above, the liquids that develop inside the gums while molars are erupting also breed infections. Now this is a situation. I am kind of done for.

One other devil that is waiting to show up with all fervor is ‘Vomits’. Teething and vomiting have a live-in-relationship. The bigger the teeth in question, the graver the eating issues, the loss of appetite, the higher the number of vomits. It's scary when your child is throwing up. You are living this Exorcist moment time and again, and you will do anything to make it stop. But I am sorry, there is nothing that can stop it. Imagine feeding sessions of hours and hours, followed by a one minute throw up, followed by a pin drop silence for a minute and a count of 1 to 10 (off course by me! That’s my way of calming down), followed by cleaning, changing, and starting the feeding session once again. This is what encompasses the “Exorcist Moment”.

When you become a parent, you earn a medical merit badge of sorts. Weather you do this or that, eventually a few things faze you…they go out of control and you have no clue how to handle them. The rise of the molars is one of those situations. You are zapped by the extent of its devastation. As the child facing this devil, it drains her completely and as the mother fighting this battle, it drives you crazy! My only hope right now, is the gums to crack open peacefully, and those molars to cut through gently.

Mom friends, Motherhood essentials!

I have always been a people’s person. Once I sit down to count my friends, the list goes on and on...That is definitely a matter of envy for my husband Anuj, who is very shy and hence, has inhibitions in increasing his friend circle. Infact, since the time we have been married, most of our guest list during dinners at home, consists of my friends and their hubbies... now converted into his friends ! Wait, this post is not about our friend list comparison or who has more and who has less. It is about my friends, and their role in shaping up my motherhood experience. This post is a reflection of my thoughts about my old friends, and new friends, non-mom friends and my mom friends!

Our life takes us through many phases, childhood, school time, college days, work life, marriage and then baby times. Right now I am at my Baby/toddler phase. 

Each of these phases gives us friends. 

Some who become friends in need, those who are friends in deed...

Some who are always there, some who come and go in phases..

Some who have gone away from your life but you regret sending them away by your childish actions and wish them to come back, but the truth is they never will....

Some who have sent you away from their life and you cannot enter it again, no matter how many likes or comments you give them on social networking sites, no matter how many hidden messages you send them that you want to be back in their life, that you miss them and the bond you once shared..

Some who you love and hate at the same time, because they are never there when you need them, but one fine day they will call up and behave as if they have always been there..

Some who are your soul mates, who always remain in your heart, who are your friends for years, for life, for the longest of times, with whom you have shared all things good, bad and ugly, that has happened in your life. They might call you once in 3 months, but they will open up a world for you. They will enter and exit your regular life like flash cards, but they are a part of your existence, they have always been. "Harveen that's you".

And some who have become a part of your daily life, your day to day activities. You wake up and chat with them, you exercise with them, you hang out with them, discussing all things under the sun, from the color of your baby’s poop to what’s in menu today, to where to take children this weekend, to how to handle their tantrums, to how to manage family matters, to husband matters, to maid matter, to school matters, to xyz, yes as I said all things under the sun!

 

These are our Mom Friends. My mom friends, who have been with me since the time Vrinda came into our lives. The age of my friendship with them is similar to Vrinda’s age, but the bond that I share with them is much deeper, stronger and older (not literally, but emotionally). 

 I feel extremely lucky to have found some of the best moms as friends since the motherhood phase of my life started. Kopal, Ritu, Ekta, Sheetal, Amrita all these women have been by my side as I have grown into a mother.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. I would say it takes a few mom friends to raise a child. Without them, it is impossible to gain faith in yourself as a mother. They are the ones who would never make you feel ugly, no matter how much weight birthing a child has piled on you. They would be on standby at 3 am, if you need a baby medicine or advise on how to handle sudden baby cramps or motions or sleep issues. They would extend all possible support in taking care of your child, in baby sitting them, so that you can take a nap or have a visit to the supermarket or just have some alone time with your hubby. They would give you a shoulder to cry on, when your child gets hurt for the first time. They would recite their own stories and encourage you, when you cry because your child is being impossible! They would cook for your child and let you take a break. They would be moms to your child when you are not around.

And this is what my mom friends have been to me. I am thankful to my stars beyond words, for being so generous to me, for giving such friends, for giving Vrinda such aunts, who love her to the core.

Words fall short to thank you girls, for being there for me and Vrinda. I hope that I have been the same for you all as you have been for me. Love you to the moon and back!