'Thoughts for Vrinda' - 'From my Memoir'

 

Image Courtesy Y.P. Arora

I have been writing since a long time. I don't even remember since how long. I still have a few memories of me sitting in the balcony of our Indore residence and penning down a few lines, trying to construct my first few poems.That was somewhere in the early 90's. I must be 10 or 12 then. Yes, I was that small.The love for writing has only increased since then. 

From nascent to matured - my  writing has seen highs and lows over last two decades. It has been through rough and happy times, from exciting to dull times, from positive to negative phases, from patient to angry moments. I have always liked to express and taken the help of words to document my feelings- good or bad. And if there is one thing I so badly want Vrinda to inherit from her mother's genes, it is my love for writing. I want to see her writing. Good or bad, that's not what matters. What matters is that she writes, that she thinks, that she weaves, that she constructs, that she molds, that she let go of all her inhibitions about writing and let the words flow...

My parents are around, and my father got me my old diaries, journals and notes from my school and college days. It was so nostalgic and amazing to turn those pages once again. As I read my entries, I thought of documenting them for my little girl. She might understand them a little later in her life, but they will definitely teach her a thing or two.

1. FOOD FOR THOUGHT (23.01.2001)

"What are you thinking right now? If your thoughts shape your life, would you want what you were just thinking to become true for you? If its a thought of worry or anger or hurt or revenge or fear, how do you think this thought will come back to you...?

Imagine yourself in line at a buffet in a luxurious hotel, where instead of dishes of food, there are dishes of thoughts. You get to choose any and all the thoughts you wish. These thoughts will create your future experiences.

Now, if you choose thoughts that will create problems and pains, that's rather foolish. It's like choosing the food that always makes you ill. We may do this once or twice, but as soon as we learn which food upsets our bodies, we stay away from them. It's the same with thoughts. Let us stay away from thoughts that create anxiety and pains and upset our minds.

My logical mind does not understand the importance of having those thoughts in my mind which always result in hurt, misery and sadness. But still at times I find myself ( and a few people that I know) opt for the same path. Why do we choose to forget that there is another path that takes us to happiness - the path of happy and positive thinking ."

2. MOODS & MISERY

Image Courtesy Joginder Sharma

 Nobody likes misery. Why not analyze yourself next time you are in a mood? You will see how you are willingly, willfully making yourself miserable. And while you are doing so, others around you feel the unpleasantness of your state of mind...You must remove moods from your mental mirror.

One should introspect each day in order to understand the nature of her mood, how to create it and correct it, if it is a harmful one. Perhaps you find yourself in an indifferent state of mind. No matter what is suggested, you are not interested. It is necessary then to make a conscious effort to create some positive interest. Beware of indifference, which ossifies your progress in life by paralyzing your will power. 

Suppose your mood is a conviction that you have failed at all levels, and can never succeed at achieving your goal. Analyze the problem and see if you have really made all the efforts you could have.

Or perhaps your mood is discouragement over a loss of goal. You must try to apply the laws of faith and keep trying again in order to re-reach your goal.

There would be times when your mood will come in the form of a mountain of denial. Denial that no one loves you. Denial that you are no understood and is all alone. Calm down. Talk to those who you trust. Ask them about the things those have done for you, whose love you doubt at that moment.You will definitely gain ground. Love remains in the heart always, it might take a backseat at times and choose to hide away. But believe, it is always there.

You can conquer your moods, no matter how terrible they seem. Make up your mind that you are not going to be moody anymore;and if a mood comes in spite of your resolve, analyze the course that brought it on, and do something constructive about it!

Polish Abolish!

Yes Ladies and my fellow mommies, it has been abolished. My nails have been done for. They have lost their love, their charm, their color, their polish. A time comes in all our lives when we have to do away with something we so love doing, something that makes us happy, that cheers us up during the most difficult and gloomy times. That one thing is polishing my nails, pink and red….and beige and peach. My make up consists of this one colorful thing that I can’t do without – my pretty pink nail polishes. 

But as my baby turned into a toddler, and that too quite a fashionable one (or so it seems), these have come of age. Their time on my nails is over. Their presence from my makeup box and my life is fast diminishing. It’s a fascination for her, to get her nails painted pink and orange. I don’t even remember how and when it all started, but I sure know that the end is nowhere near.

The eyes open with a dire need for it and sleep drools over with beautifully painted mini nails tucked away in the blanket in mummy’s lap. No matter how much I try, the day ends with a session of polishing. On good days, we miss out on polish, only because we have a lipstick in our hand. OMG that is another devil in the deep sea of girl-toddler-fashion-parade!

We as children never had such likes, either because our moms were not into such indulgence or we were obedient and listened to our parents when they said “No”. The later is much more believable and real. This seems farfetched in our times, when new age mommies have preferences and likes for such things fashionable and trendy. And why not? But then children happen! And the “end-it phases” come around, very often.

The other day we were dining with a group of friends, and as all mothers would do, I started discussing the “tiresome-times-of-nail-painting”, the “never-ending-polish-tantrums”, the “life-with-a-toddler” and there it was, the moment of “mean happiness” for me. The fellow mommy explained how her five year old daughter would put on the polish each day after coming back from school (as this is not allowed at school) and remove each night before going to bed. The sheer comparison made me happy. Please don’t judge me. But something tini-mini was very happy inside me. That I didn’t have to deal with the “removing” part as yet. I was happy that till now she has not seen anyone removing it from their nails. I was happy that till now the polish remover is not in her life. 

Not that I am not foreseeing this becoming a part of our life too. I am very much, looking at my darling girl. I know what’s in store for me, more polishes, and lipsticks and more make up. Until then I have taken a call to abolish my dear polishes from my life! Keeping a picture of the last application on my hands and feet, to look at and be happy about.

ABCDs OF A MOTHER

Vrinda, unaware of her mother's high expectations

 

When I sit back to think about the expectations my parents had from me, I know they were pretty low. As in, they didn’t want me to become a scientist, or a researcher or a doctor even. They probably knew where I will land – in retail. And this surely is low as per expectations. I am not trying to lower grounds for those who work in retail; it surely is a great place to be in. But not the number one choice of our parents- for their children.

When I think of what I want Vrinda to be or become, I can think of N number of things – a NATGEO photographer, a journalist, a Chef, a Fashion stylist, all this being on the low side of my expectations. At the higher grounds, I wish her to be a doctor, or an architect. My list of expectations ends here. Anuj has not drafted any. For him there’s a lot of time to think about Vrinda’s career choices and the dimension where we wish her to be. I disagree. Anyways, to each his own. I am still determined to make her a doctor.

First few educational lessons that children get are the basic As, Bs and Cs of the world. In our times we just had the ABCD. Now children have ABCD with ‘phonics’. A a a for apple, b b b for ball, c c c for cat and d d d for dolI. Okay. I didn’t even know what this ‘phonics’ is until Vrinda was in my tummy. That’s when I started reading about what’s in store for me. What is going to be the first few lessons at school for her. That’s when I was introduced to ‘phonics’.  It is definitely a better way of teaching, I must say.

Lets keep aside the regular ABCD’s for some time. As a mother to be, I had many thoughts running me over. So, on a subtle winter evening in October 2012, a month before Vrinda was born, I sat down to write my own ABC’s. I sat down to sketch basic fundamentals for what and how I would want her to be. There it goes….

A - ASPIRATIONS (Aspire high)

B – BLESSINGS (Bless all and be blessed)

C – CARE (Care for the ones you love)

D – DILIGENCE (Be conscious about your work and responsibilities)

E – EXPERIENCE (Learn and then experience. Do not experience and then learn)

F – FREEDOM/FREE WILL (Use your freedom wisely. Respect the free-will given to you)

G – GIVING (Do not shy away from giving what’s yours or not yours. Give love unconditionally)

H – HELPFUL (Always lend a helping hand)

I – INSIGHTFUL (Be accurate, perceptive. Always understand and then act)

J – JOYOUS (Find happiness from small things in life. Be joyful)

K – KNOWLEDGEABLE (Acquire as much as you can. Read. Read. Read.)

L – LOVE (Give love and get love. Get love and give it in return.)

M – MOTHER (All she needs is your love and respect)

N – NAUGHTY (Be playful)

O – OUTSTANDING (Look at things with a sense of achievement. Give your best to get best in return)

P – PASSION (Give it all to what you love to do. Be passionate)

Q – QUEST (Search for answers. Do not stop till you get them)

R – RESPECT (Your elders, teachers, the feelings of your friends)

S – SELF-RELIANT (Be independent)

T – THINKER (Think hard to get your answers. Think before you speak.)

U – UNASSUMING (Be modest. Be unpretentious. Do not assume. Ask)

V – VIVACIOUS (Be my beautiful girl. Be charming. Be lively. Smile)

W – WISE (Be a good judge of right and wrong. Be discerning)

X – X-FACTOR (Be significantly different. Noteworthy. Stand out.)

Y – YOUTHFUL (Let your age not be a judge of your actions. Always be youthful.)

Z – ZEAL (Bring out that enthusiasm in your work. Dedicate all your energy. Keeps the fire burning. Keep your zeal.)

Yes,Yes I know. I had high expectations then too (one can easily make out from the choice of words I have used defining each alphabet).  And so are they right now. I know she is just two and a half and has just started her pre-school. I know there is a long way to go, a long way to walk, until she reaches all these words of wisdom. In the meaning time, as a mother I am just penning down my wishes for my child. And hoping she actually learns my ABCDs by the time she is 30. I would surely succeed as a mother that day.